I don't know how your way of thinking really is, but I still find that you're not catching my point either. Violence is violence. A violent act causes hurt, or worse, to another human being. No one is saying someone is actually hurt in scenes with simulated violence, that's why it's called acting. But, with certain specific exceptions, a film that is done on the express purpose of sexually stimulating its audience with violence (a snuff film for example) is to me downright sickening. Mind my language. I believe it is called Sadism. Why? Because it glorifies seeing someone hurt. It encourages the feeling of satisfaction at seeing someone else's pain. For some, it even tittilates them to a point that they "beat one out", figuratively and literally, whatever you'd interpret it as.
Now you've mentioned unsimulated sex several times now. How does it differ from simulated violence you ask? Again, I don't know your way of seeing things but, the way I see it as do many others do I would wager, is that is just an honest, real depiction of human emotional exchange. This exchange, sex, is only done differently than simulated sex scenes in that the actors consciously and consentingly decide to have real sex on camera for whatever reason they may offer. Nobody is hurt doing so, and if anything it is a celebration of mankind's basic instinct of carnal desires. It stimulates the audience with a real and natural depiction of pleasure and enjoyment. How can this be anything remotely similar to pleasure derived from seeing someone grimace in unsolicited pain?
But alas to each his own.